talk/write purely

I don't know if I've ever been so content with shit i know is so underachieving. I'm notorious for not realizing how awesome things are til after I leave, and then conveniently forgetting the negativity involved in what I think I miss so much. So now, even knowing all that, I don't want to be anywhere else right now than here. This could be so much better than is, but I seriously don't see it improving a whole lot more than it already has. Learning Chinese a bit can only take me so far here. I'm not really that deprived with not knowing Chinese. I went to see some sights a couple days ago, just around Shanghai, and I'm glad I went, but it kind of sucked--that's the first time I've actually said that outside of my head--feels good. Cool new experience, but I wouldn't go back.

Shit's just not......THAT awesome. But as a whole, it's certainly satisfying and providing the stimulation I was seeking. I don't really know if others would understand this--perhaps just me. Maybe you think you hear me, but you probably don't--don't feel bad about that. I mean......it's not really that cool here, but I don't wanna leave. If you're rating shit 1 - 10, nothing would really get above a 6. There's not really a better way to say that. And you will read these words and say: "Oh, he's not really happy--I'm sorry things aren't so great, but I'm glad you don't wanna leave and that ur satisfied." Save it. Don't say shit just cuz that's what the "normal" response should be. In fact, whatever your cookie cutter instinctive response might be, organize it in your head, and then fuckin save it for the cookie monster, cuz I already know that shit and it's pointless to mention. Take my advice: don't talk/write purely for the sake of talking/writing in life. I say: have something profound to say or just keep it. Don't cry like a bitch when someone is painfully honest or u think they're being rude. Listen to what the message actually is--it's probably helpful in gettin to the next level.

Rant over.