hype bifocals

As inspired by today's date, I shall treat you with a post-halloween flashback clip from 2007 in Bratislava, Slovakia. Put THAT in your orange jack-o-lantern bucket.a

Apps

I love apples. LOVE them—so much. I’m such a snob too; you should see me at the market, systematically sifting through what I’d call mediocrity, whereas others might just call apples. A good apple is something to pay for. Normal grocery stores don’t have the goods. I like those organic, specially-controlled-growing-environment, three-toned apples, with a perfectly solid flesh. I feel every square centimeter of these Van Goghian juice rocks. If your fingers can cause damage anywhere while pressing in the skin, you throw her back like a runt fish.

Yesterday I saw one of my students eating a generically cartoon-red apple—she just ignored the little bruises as if all apples have those. That apple was good for two things: making applesauce and throwing at people. I get it how people don’t want to pay $2+ per pound for apples, but all it takes is a taste—just one. Bite into a Jazz apple, or a Honeycrisp, with green and yellow hues clouding up the shiny red backdrop. It feels like a baseball in hand and looks like a Bizzaro-Jerry-World Starry Night print on an oblongly rounded, organically delicious canvas. Seriously, just one bite…you’ll get it.

Just eat great things.

Plenty of Chicks in the Sea

I could’ve lied and claimed to be writing this at 10:10 (am or pm), but that would be trying too hard to make something out of nothing. Besides, I’ve got too much something out of which to make nothing.

Hopefully I find something shortly—something that will pay me well; oh, and also satisfy my professional desires and give me chance for advancement, and all that malarkey. Looking for jobs is a respectable way to spend one’s time; although, perhaps more respectable if I tried a bit harder.

People think I’m cocky. I don’t mean prospective employers, but rather my contemporaries—namely my creator and former provider named Pops. I’m not going to argue with him. Maybe I am. Someone like me in an interview: I win. I believe I have an unfair advantage…provided I actually get to interview. It’s not so easy for me to score interviews in the business realm. I’m aging for an entry-level guy, which is a less than brisk way of saying I want more respect (money) than entry level. It’s always awkward being a tweener, I guess in anything. I don’t have the experience as other folks my age, yet my stable presence outclasses younger competition.

Finding something ideally fitting would be tremendous, but who finds that, honestly? Niches are great if yours is in demand. Mine should always be in demand, but not right away. In a related story, paying one’s dues gets emotionally expensive. Surely some solid companies out there need a corporate grease man—a guy you can send…freaking anywhere for as long as needed. Add trustworthiness, stability, and any of those other words that have been completely diluted because EVERYONE claims them. I get it: market yourself in resumes. There’s so much bologna self-marketing out there that the paradigm has shifted to separation—like an Ernest Givens double move to shake cornerbacks. I focus on separating myself from anyone else (somehow) competing with me—from the masses. It’s like conventional (yet naturally contrarian) sports gambling theory—go the opposite direction from the masses.

Just make them remember you—obviously in a positive light. Your credentials are what they are, and most likely, they’re not far and away better or worse than everyone else’s on paper if you got the interview, so let the resume speak for itself, relax, and show them who you are as best you can. Don’t let them dictate what you say the same way they will the dozen other candidates before and after you. Turn it into interviewing them. Answer questions with questions. Ask about the pictures of their family on their desk, Read’em and take some risks. Getting to the next level doesn’t take the whole company to like you—you just got to beat that guy/gal on the other side of the desk. Look for a way to beat the interviewer—be clever. Be Interview McGyver.

It’s simple, really. Getting the interviews for decent gigs is the hard part. For now, exhausting my limited connections and scouring the papers continues. It’s a frustrating process, but much like with the ladies: it only takes one. And there’re plenty of chicks in the sea, or whatever. Just got to get that first interview…for jobs too.